arriving at destination?

not even close.

but the three week break showed me that there's a light at the end of the tunnel even if it's the smallest flame ever. all the errans, chores, jobs, classes and staying up to study was a move i made for me, voluntarly, to prove to myself that i'm alot better than what some people expected. proving somebody wrong at a situation like this feels incredible. determination can have the sweetest rewards and that mustering all that you've got can get you farther than what you ever ever expected. how i get to my destination is what matters to me most. how and who i affect, however, is a bigger issue. i've been constantly noticing the smallest errors just as quickly as the smallest things make me smile. i smile my troubles away and i'm getting better at believing myself that everything will be okay. thinking too hard and being way in over my head can still cause internal issues with myself but that doesn't mean i'm not improving. the better understanding i got from my parents after explaining myself, one week of chemistry tutorial, four days of drivers ed (getting permit on friday!), that blunt move wednesday evening and that horrid phone call thursday morning was just a big ball of realization, a more clear future and a better understanding. all that feels fucking amazing with capital AHHH's. i'm a fifteen year old stuck in a 30 year old's body, i just know it. i know clearly what makes me imperfect. i've never grown out of being insecure and i get too straight forward or shy at the wrong possible times but in no way am i about to change. the outcome of everything due to my imperfection has never been so epic and rewarding.