THIS BLOG IS SENSELESS !

indeed. the bassist of Lower Def is back working and as stalkerish as it may sound, that made me fucking happy up to this point (and i found out on monday, lmao). especially the aftermath of it all and getting the "elephant's" attention without thinking so damn hard.

this constant crush is annoying the shit out of me. half the time, all my actions are just coming in naturally and afterwards, it seems so stupid and naive. it might seem obvious now. then again, i could just be very paranoid. i just wanna get it over with and have him know completely. i'm getting somewhat impatient and if all ends bad, i know i'll get over it and move the fuck on. but the thing is, it's FUN feeling like your in 4th grade all over again. just in a sense where your more aware of what's happening. this is RIDICULOUS.

speaking of ridiculous; how do you get over a two year relationship when you were pretty much FORCED to break up ? i can honestly say i'm more than half way into getting over him. not in a way where i wanna never talk to him again, just in a point where him not calling even when i'm mad at him won't affect me anymore. he cared..alot. a MESS LOAD. so much that he was suffucating. still is actually. but i can't managed to completely step away. at the same time, i know i'm being a shitty ass FRIEND to him and i'm either doing this because i don't know how to react or i want him to get mad at me for once and not know the reason why rather than have me do all the shit talking. what bugs me the most is he doesn't know when to stop. like i said, he cares too much; constantly calling and checking up on you even when he's thousands of miles away. he's not like anybody, i'll give him that much. he's too much of everything. too sensative, too cocky, too intellectually smart, too gullable. everything. i just wish he'd stop thinking so damn hard with his heart and start using his brain. stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, it's summer, just tuck it in all the way till it's completely not visible.